How can anything flourish under force? How can any development rise from verbal abuse? How can love spread its wings amidst self-harm? In the end, constant criticism, punishment, negative labelling towards yourself as well as forcefully eating when not hungry and on top of that foods that lack nourishment and actually harm you, is a form of mistreatment towards the self in my view. And I have to realise that. I need to realise the seriousness (hence the use of those harsh expressions above) of this situation. A situation I find myself in, especially concerning food.
I am a comfort eater. And a great emotional eater. I feel like I am burying my emotions even deeper with the help of food, swallowing them with every bit I eat. At times I am well aware of that. And then again, less so.
All I want for myself to hear is: start loving yourself now. Start taking care of yourself now. Stop punishing yourself for having eaten things that now manifest in aches and pain. Yes, you had made the decision in the first place. And yet it is still okay to be there for yourself after having made a wrong decision. It is okay to give yourself a big hug, filled with all the love you can give.
This is the first thing you need to do in order to lead a better life. In order to grow. In order to live fully and appreciate it all. In order to ultimately live a life where you can be yourself.